I Aim to Misbehave. (Or... "A lovely little political fantasy.")

"Right now I'd like to do my Joe Isuzu impression.  I impression Joe the best.  He's my new secretary of transportation."

So I just imagined a thing.  It made me very, very happy.  I'll imagine neat little scenarios like these to amuse myself when I hear the news sometimes.  It's a fun game to play in the car if I'm listening to the news.  "Now here's how I'd have addressed congress, dumbass.  Here's how you do this-"  It's a healthy mental exercise for an actor.  Practicing one's skills with public speech and oratory is never a bad idea.  I'm sure you know of at least one politician right now who could stand to practice a bit in that regard.  It also helps to see if there's a facet of current events I'm not thinking of, or if I'm thinking of it, can I come at it more intelligently than the regime du jour.


Now... I'm not sure what the rules are in congress for creating a disruption during a presidential address.  I'm sure I get escorted out.  But I'm pretty sure I could ensure my re-election with a simple outburst.  Just wait for a nice opportune time while Cheeto Von Clownminge is saying something particularly untrue, patronizing and disrespectful to the suffering of our countrymen.  And then do one of those high school *COUGH-BULLSHIT!* at the top of my lungs.  Then apologize quite loudly.  "So sorry!  I've got a terrible alternative cough!  Also, that was an alternative apology!"

"Ah do believe he's comin' down with a case a' th' vapours!"

What's the rest of congress going to do?  Send me a sharp note?  I'll cop to it.  Sure.  "We are very very upset that you behaved this way during the presidential address.  It was disrespectful in the extreme, and reflects poorly on the district that elected you.  Professional congressmen do not act this way."

Oh yeah?  My official public statement on the 'incident' would need to be, "Professional congressmen nowadays are gutless profiteers who are only concerned with getting re-elected, and how much they can sell their vote to the corporations for on any given issue.  I called the president on a lie and I'm not sorry about it.  Get bent.  I'd also like to say to congress, get bent.  As well, I'd like to ask my fellow congressmen who signed onto this censure to get bent.  And one more thing.  And I am now addressing both the president and his cowardly appeasers.  Get bent.

"Impeach me if it suits you.  I misremember if it's legal to impeach someone for hurting your feelings and calling someone on a lie.  I'll show you proof the president was lying.  All I need is an internet connection and a few more brain cells than the president.  Two ought to do. 

"And unlike hurting your feelings, lying to congress IS a crime.  More interesting still, you don't even have to be under oath for that.  But what's a little swearing between government representatives, eh?  It was good enough to impeach Mr. Clinton, wasn't it?  So how about we start swearing in the president so that he has to give his addresses under oath?  Presumably he swore an oath when he took office, but we've seen how serious he takes that.  How about we make him swear an oath with some consequences in it should he lie to our faces again?  And if he doesn't WANT to swear an oath, why should I trust a damn thing he says?  Was his intention to come up here and lie a lot, and now he has to rethink his speech?  Yes or no question.  Would the president care to deliver his address under oath so that we may be sure of the truth of his statements?  I await his reply.  Yes or no, Mr. President.  Yes or no.  Trustworthy or lying coward, Mr. President.  Which is it?

"Oh.  And in closing...  Get bent."

I can hear my wife even now.  "THAT'S A MICHAELS FRAME!"

Assuming no term-limit reforms, I'd be re-elected into my 90's